Triggered by “God”
I grew up in a religious home, like I’ve mentioned in previous posts. The concept of God was very familiar and was brought up on a daily basis whether at home, at school or in church.
I’ve also mentioned previously that the notion of a “God” looking down and playing a direct role in my life never felt “right” to me. It took me many many years to finally allow myself to follow a spiritual path that did feel “right” for me. I am deeply spiritual and base a lot of my choices on what I feel is my intuition or connection to the energy of the universe or Source.
There is no part of me that feels there is one “right” way to experience spirituality. I feel ecstatic for people who feel so content in their belief systems, whether that’s with a religious God, a connection with the Universe or doing rituals and tarot readings and everything in between.
I, myself, have a blended form of spirituality. It’s like a delicious meal that I’ve pulled all my favorite ingredients together and created a dish that tastes divine at least to me. It’s formulated to be perfect for me. I’m not trying to convince anyone else to eat it or enjoy it and am happy to sit down at a table with others who are eating their own favorite meal as long as they don’t try to force me or anyone else into trying or eating their dish.
This has become less of an issue these days in my life as I surround myself with people who love and accept me for myself and beliefs.
But I’ve noticed that in my constant spiritual quest and learnings, I’ve been coming across teachers or practitioners who are not religious yet when they speak of the Source or Universe or Energy, they refer to it as God. And damned if it isn’t triggering to me!
The latest three practitioners I’ve been “working with” that use God are Rupert Spira, Eckhart Tolle, and Rev.Sydney.Finn. They are all use God in a nonreligious way but I find myself haulting and being taken out of the moment whenever the word is used. I hate that a word has so much power of my emotions.
This morning, I was contemplating why such a small word is so hard for me to look past and realized that it feels like a weapon. It has been a weapon used against me and millions of others for decades… centuries.
The thing is, I know that the true concept of God is all loving and would never want to harm. It’s humans who use the word as a convenient weapon of choice and are the ones causing the harm. But it’s been a very effective weapon with lasting wounds.
I am chosing to see this as a sign and opportunity for me to try to heal those wounds in myself now. Whenever something keeps showing up that brings discomfort, I try to see it as a mirror showing me what I need to focus and work on in that moment. This is that moment.
The funny thing is, I know there will be people in my life who will judge me and scoff at me trying to heal my wounds surrounding the use of God or even the concept of God. I want none of it to have power over me or my path.
We all have the right to follow the path that brings us peace and happiness as long as it doesn’t come at the expense of others. This is my internal path. It's weird for me to feel scared of it. I can make of it what I want. So, why does it feel like I’m crossing the line into enemy territory?
Maybe that’s what I’m doing? I just got an image of myself, full of bloody wounds, walking slowly towards enemy lines ready to embrace those who have caused so much suffering to me and others that I love. Isn’t that what “God” stands for though? Both in religion and spirituality, God represents unconditional love for others, yourself and the world. It’s working on your shadows, working to shed light, love and peace.
Well, we’ll see how this goes. I just wanted to share these thoughts and to see if it resonates with anyone else. Let me know what your experience is with the word or concept of God. I’m excited to hear!