Self Sabotage: Part 2

I had a great discussion with my brother yesterday during one of our walks about my blog post. He reminded me to keep in mind how nuanced people’s brains and thought processes are.

Believing there is no one “right way” for everyone is something I wholeheartedly stand up for but I admit that sometimes I fall prey to feeling like there are some “wrong” ways.

Although I did acknowledge to the yoga instructor that maybe her visualizing herself as an “enemy she would not negotiate with” could be what she needed, if I’m being honest with myself, I also had my own bias that her doing that was counterproductive to the rest of her practice.

My brother also talked through how he believes my approach of not forcing oneself to do something in order to find what would work better, would not actually work for him. He also mentioned that someone would have to be actively working towards a goal before releasing the notion of self sabotage otherwise any resistance to something becomes an excuse to do nothing. And I completely agree.

I think having life goals, dreams, and interests are important. But I also think we limit ourselves sometimes with specifics as I’ve done many, many times which makes it easier to fall victim to feelings of failure and stress. In this, I am speaking for myself but maybe it applies to you as well?

Take becoming healthy and feeling fit, I have struggled for decades on what this should look like and how I can achieve this. I’ve tried to force myself to do certain things, eat certain ways because I was seeing it work for others. But it didn’t work for me. I’ve been trying to listen to my body, tap into my intuition and eating what feels right to me, what makes me feel my best and happiest most of the time. I’ve also noticed that when I am happy and in flow with other aspects of my life, my eating can become looser and I still feel good.

It’s all an experiment, right? It’s an adventure, something exciting and can be fun if we let it. I think this is what I’m trying to get at. I woke up this morning and realized that yes, there are times we need to make choices for ourselves that make us drag our feet but what tone can we take during those times?

I bristled at the notion of taking the agressive “I will not negotiate with an enemy and the enemy is me” point of view. I have lived too long viewing my body, my mind, my inability to make the “right” choices, as failures and have been riddled with guilt and shame for years because of it. And all that’s done for me is create more stress, anxiety and trauma.

Instead, this morning, I wondered what it would be like to treat ourselves like vulnerable children acting out. Question where the tantrum is coming from; search for the root cause of the stubborness. How can we show ourselves love, understanding and respect when making decisions to do what’s best for ourselves but being open to the discussion of why the child in us doesn’t want to do something. Maybe we can find a compromise that still achieves the goal.

This approach feels gentle, it feels loving and kind toward ourselves and it still moves us forward toward our goals. But like I said earlier: can we be more open to a general goal and see what specifics present themselves to us along the way? For example, I know I want to move my body everyday. I used to think that it had to be a daily yoga practice or walking a certain number of steps per day, etc. But now, with the general goal of moving my body every day, I’ve noticed rope flow spring up on my youtube feed out of nowhere and have fallen in love. (Check out this Youtube Short to see what I mean)

During one of my meditation sessions, I found my body wanting to throw punches to work out some energy that was trying to release so now I’m learning how to shadow box.

By being more vague in my goal, new options are presenting themselves to me that feel nature and exciting, making moving my body daily something easily accomplished.

I’ve also found I enjoy doing movement snacks instead of full workouts. (I heard the term “Movement Snacks” from these guys. Check out this video Strength Side YouTube)

I like to do spurts of movement for 5-10 minutes throughout the day when I feel the need arise. And because it’s just a snack, I don’t dread them. Also, I’m doing something I find satisfying and fun so my body and mind seek out moments during the day to get them done.

When I have a pause in my natural flow, I look in for a moment to see what I need to do next and lately, that has been to go out and take a walk, do a short rope flow or stretch in a squat to losen tight hips.

I know this won’t work for everyone, but it’s exciting to feel like I’m on a path that seems to be working for me right now.

And the main reason I wanted to do this follow-up post is to pose the question of what would happen if we treat ourselves like a child that we love instead of an enemy?

Again, I would love to hear your thoughts on the topic and if you have anything to add, let’s get a conversation started. :)

Have a wonderful day!

xoxo